he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize