so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize