When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
