Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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