i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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