he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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