Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
