tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
