someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
