I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
