I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
