I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
