It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
