How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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