CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
