Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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