You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I CAN MOONWALK!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
