did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
