end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
