Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
