love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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