I wannas sexs uuuuu
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
