I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
