I looked at my own cervix.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
