bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
