I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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