she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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