a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
where am i from again
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
