yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i love accidental penises.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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