Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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