so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
