thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
