am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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