Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
