Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
