You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
