Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
