a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
