I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
