I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
