i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
