I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
