Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
two words: eviction party
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
