I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My balls are so social today.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize