I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I FOUND THE LEGS
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
