I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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