Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
