Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
