You're my little dorito
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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