her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
All I want is dick and wine.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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