With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
