My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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