I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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