you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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