This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
