I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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