Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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