i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
