She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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