I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
