I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
