Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
