hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
