Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize