the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
