I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
