I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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