I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
