i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
